I was unhappy.
Then it hit me: here I was surrounded by my dearest loves, my children who are astounding and my husband with his shining heart, and I was lost in distraction and longing.
This is the magician trick: the lure of "something else", the endless waiting for what is around the corner, the grasping after what is just barely out of reach.
So I settled in and decided to be there with my whole heart.
I notice that Danny is singing the ridiculous lyrics of a song that is playing over the intercom. He is aware of the silliness and laughing as he sings, dancing a little in his vinyl chair. He is creating something new. Danny is like a clown let loose in a children's sick ward...a whimsical, floppy muppet charged with the task of saving the world. Against all odds, he will make you smile.
I notice that Janelle is jittery and fatigued from the stretching out of the day, and she has wrapped herself in a blanket she carries with her. This blanket smells like her puppies, and she pulls in the scent to bring them near. She is leaning into Joey with so much tenderness and trust, like a child with a fever. She can sleep even here in this noise and chaos with her scents and her warmth and her deep, deep love.
I notice in a way much deeper than ever before the way that Joey's heart is expansive and vulnerable-the way that it is immediately available. I have just read him a sad little story from a book I have with me, and tears are shining in his eyes, his face flushed with the kinship he feels with the boy in the story, the tiny hero. He smiles to push back his feelings, but it's too late...they are here as his gift to me. I drink in his lovely tenderness.
I notice that my husband's smile is easy and relaxed. His heart is always extending out in every direction and pulling us close to him. It is a magnetic force, this heart of his, and it gives us all permission to be exactly who we really are. He is the safest person I know.
I suddenly recognize that I am in the presence of something so dear, something so good. I recognize also that I could have missed this...I could have remained absent and allowed all of these treasures to slip through my sleeping, anxious fingers. I am determined to be here right now in this airport with all of its abundant blessings.
This is why I disappeared from this place for a little while. I was busy being somewhere else.