Wednesday, September 29, 2010

becoming

I've been thinking about the kind of person I'm becoming.

I want to be kind and gentle and forgiving. I want to be thoughtful. I want to live simply. I want to have integrity. I want to be available and open. I want to be wise. I want to care for my body and soul so that I am well. More than anything, I want to love freely.

And I want all of these things to come easily. But they don't.

It's occurred to me lately that I've been drifting in directions that I haven't chosen. Depression and anxiety and cynicism are easy for me. I don't have to work at all to find myself in dark places. I can blame this on hormones or my history or illness or any number of other things, but none of that really matters in the end.

I am becoming.

Right now.

And that's a hopeful thing because it means I can become in another direction.

So I think I will.