Thursday, October 27, 2011
contentment and acceptance
This is me in a very content place.
Something astounding is emerging for me as I've been feeling better and taking better care of myself. I hesitate to say it out loud. It's kind of scandalous, really.
I like me.
I don't know if you get how weird it is for me to say that. I have this idealized self that usually gets in the way of me liking the real me. The idealized me weighs about 30-40 pounds less. She's much wiser and more disciplined. Her house is perfect. She has already written that amazing book that's locked inside her because she never experiences writer's block. Her prayer times are completely consistent and wonderfully enlightening to others.
In other words, she's kind of irritating.
It's not that I wouldn't love for some of that to be true about me. But the truth is, that's not me right now. So I'm welcoming the me that is here in this moment. And you know what? I think Jesus likes me just fine exactly the way I am.
I hope if I'm ever closer to my idealized self I'll welcome her with just as much kindness.