Monday, October 10, 2011

doors


I have a little room at the foot of my basement stairs that has only been opened once before today. It doesn't have a doorknob and you have to remove the railing on the staircase to get to it. We didn't open it until a couple of months after we moved in and I remember a sense of excitement when we finally peered inside. What would we find? When we jimmied the door open it turned out that it was just a tiny, empty cement-walled room under our stairs. Nothing special. But for some reason I pulled out a screwdriver again today and took another look. Still nothing there (except a LOT of cobwebs) but I felt the same emotions as the door creaked open. I was thinking, "Maybe there was something there that I overlooked before."

Every once in a while I have a dream about a gigantic old house filled with rooms that had not been opened in many decades. In the dream, I open these rooms and find all kinds of beautiful old treasures waiting for me like orphans. When I wake, my heart is generally thumping in my chest. Sometimes in these dreams the abandoned rooms are in my own house, and I wonder how I could have overlooked them all this time. There's something about these dreams that's important to me. Something about neglect and the possibility of discovery. Something about finding things that have been there all along.

I'm opening my heart and peeking in. It's scary, but I just love an old door.

6 comments:

  1. This is beautiful in the sense of mystery and wonder it invites ... if not a bit of fear. I wonder what you'll find ....

    ReplyDelete
  2. One of my closest friends and I often talk the heart as a house with many rooms in it. Every once in a while, after doing quite a bit of heart-work in a certain area, we turn around and notice a door to a room we'd not opened before.

    It can be scary to open those doors. There's always something undiscovered inside, and usually the room needs quite a bit of love and cleaning work.

    But it's also exciting because there's the anticipation that God is doing something new.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "well there's too many windows, in this old hotel. and rooms filled with reckless pride. and the walls have grown sturdy, and the hall have worn well, but there is nobody living inside. nobody living inside.

    gonna pull in the shutters of this heart of mine. roll up the carpets and pull down the blinds. and return to the chambers that ive left behind, in hope there's still maybe love left to find. still maybe love left to find...

    Dan Fogelberg- "Heart Hotels"

    instantly went to this song when i read your post baby. thanks a lot. it's gonna be there for a while....

    ReplyDelete
  4. This reminds me of a song too by Shaun Groves -
    "Welcome to this heart of mine
    I've buried under prideful vines
    Grown to hide the mess I've made
    Inside of me, come decorate, Lord

    Open up the creaking door
    And walk upon the dusty floor
    Scrape away the guilty stains
    Until no sin or shame remain

    Spread Your love upon the walls
    And occupy the empty halls
    Until the man I am has faded
    No more doors are barricaded"

    Think I've got a poem tucked away in a file somewhere about this too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. i always take it as a good thing when a blog reminds a reader of a song. :) and christianne: it's a pretty rich metaphor, isn't it? and scary? hell yes! true story about that room in the basement: when we first opened it we were a little afraid we'd find a body. long story. maybe i'll tell it another time.

    ReplyDelete