Monday, November 28, 2011

the discipline of living

Sometimes I forget that I exist.

I spent the last several days in bed with a migraine. Everything becomes distant and muffled during these long days and nights. A wide expanse of mist develops between myself and the living, breathing people around me. After a stretch like that it's hard to climb back into the world of sight and sound and movement. It's hard to imagine that it means anything to anyone for me to exist. It's easier to remain invisible. I forget sometimes that I'm not really a ghost haunting my own home, that I'm flesh and blood.

So today I will force my body (with as much kindness as possible) to exercise and move vigorously. I will ask my blood to flow and invite my mind to think. I will go outside to breathe the cool air and bring home food for my family. I'll do many mundane tasks like paying bills and laundry and other such real world activities. As I type these words, I'm remembering that some of the smallest choices are powerful and good. I'm remembering that it's a discipline to be alive, but it's the best discipline of all. And it only takes a series of intentional movements, one after the other, to be resurrected and welcomed back to the earth.

Hello friends. I'm back.


  1. Welcome back, so sorry to hear tho. I have been reminded more times than I count in the last year about the value of doing the simple work that's right in front of me. I don't know how but somehow it has the power to transform so much. And all this time I'm thinking it's the complicated stuff that matters most. Always learning. :)

  2. welcome back. may the world treat you with gentleness and kindness as you introduce yourself again.

    go gently, sister.

    + kirsten

  3. Welcome back home, home that is. I have found a couple of really great quotes in your blog. I love quotes and i like to build sermons around them.

    "Some of the smallest choices are powerful and good. And it only takes a series of intentional movements, one after the other, to be resurrected....."

    Wow. I love this. Except, I am applying it in spiritual terms. This is interesting because I have been meditating on this very concept for the last few days. Nathan and i just had a conversation about this last night.

    He has a powerful statement that we discuss sometimes: "If you choose sin over and over eventually sin will begin to choose you." I like to think about that in flipped terms...if I choose to honor God over and over eventually I become so engulfed in Him that I lose my sense of choice. I become immersed in His choices for me. Wow. I like that statement. I was not planning on saying that. It just popped out.

    Looks like that might be my next sermonette. I'll make sure I cite your quote as my inspiration. :)

  4. Glad you're back. And I hate these headaches for you. May you find respite build in to today.

  5. thanks everyone. many mundane things under my belt and i'm about to cook stuffed pasta for dinner. :) i'm well on my way to visible.

  6. I love that you are feeling better T. Mundane can be beautiful.

  7. yeah! your back! those stuffed shells were delectable, i will attest to that. may you stay ever among the living, if not for that reason alone!

    love u babe...

  8. awwww...i'll try to remember that the next time i start to fade. i'm glad you exist too. sooooo much.

  9. oh so sorry you had some rough days. hate it so much for you. glad you're back in the land of the living. xo

  10. me too lori. hope greyley is well. i think of her sometimes when i'm struggling with those stupid headaches.