listening out loud

all is grace

2012-02-08T13:45:00.001-06:00

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink. ~G.K. Chesterton beauties Super Bowl party: that's grandpa wrestling with the grandkids :)

frost

2012-02-04T13:50:00.002-06:00

I woke this morning to a world that was frosted over, as though snowflakes had grown spiky white spines out of every tree branch. It's too bad it was so grey because when this happens in bright sunshine it's almost too beautiful to imagine. It makes you want to cry. I've been sick since Wednesday. I only want to sleep and sleep. And sleep. When I saw the branches so beautiful and singing

out of the fog

2012-02-01T23:25:00.000-06:00

I spent some time this afternoon with a woman that I used to counsel. She has a history full of loss and betrayal and drug abuse and mental illness. She tends to be hyper-focused on the parts of her life that are sad or difficult, and to tell you the truth there's an awful lot of sad and difficult things to focus on around her. I realized that it was hard to stay engaged because no matter how

midday moon

2012-01-29T13:30:00.001-06:00

Sometimes when I see something unexpected or out of place, it shakes me out of my sleepwalk way of living. I love a midday moon. It reminds me that there's really very little difference between the night and the day. The sun and the moon are always there. They don't really disappear. It's just a matter of perspective and location. Hello moon. Isn't it a beautiful day?

redemption

2012-01-27T13:40:00.001-06:00

A light snow is falling outside. There is no quiet like the sound of snow. It's almost like God is saying, "Shhhh. Listen." Everything that was brown and dirty becomes gradually bright and clean. It's like redemption. I'm listening in the quiet and inviting the bright whiteness inside of me. It came just in time, just when I was beginning to think there was no way to see the world as beautiful.

as night falls

2012-01-26T17:21:00.000-06:00

It's about a half an hour before dusk, when God is tucking in the world, covering me with night like a blanket. Today was beautiful and warm and I've been thankful for the light. Now the darkness is coming. I got some word today from some friends who are far away. They are experiencing some very frightening circumstances. I can't go into it in detail, but I can say that my heart is breaking

remember this

2012-01-25T14:38:00.000-06:00

I've spent a lot of time writing today and that always makes for a good day. Dave is sleeping and no one else is home so I've had the benefit of lots of quiet. I originally had an appointment for this afternoon but the person called to reschedule yesterday so I had the whole day open to do some creating. I love this. And it makes me wonder, "Why do I avoid this so much? In fact, why do I avoid

the grace of a wide open sky

2012-01-19T12:15:00.000-06:00

It's 11:30 am and the temperature outside is -6. My fingers are stiff and red from taking these pictures, although I was only outside for a few minutes. There's a stark beauty in this kind of cold. Even though the trees are sleeping and bare they look like they might be praising God in spite of themselves. But it is difficult to stay in the freezing temperatures long enough to

grief

2012-01-18T17:55:00.000-06:00

Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore, only the life I have lived. Twice in life I have been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety and the man choses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal. ~Anthony Hopkins playing C.S. Lewis in Shadowlands. Thanks for all your comments and for coming out of hiding for me. I've

who are you?

2012-01-15T13:23:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about you today. I'm wondering about the people who read this blog. I know who many of you are, but I also know there are some of you who read and never comment. I get that. I like being invisible too. But today I'm hoping you'll come out of hiding for just a moment. If you'll leave a comment here or on my Facebook page I'll say a little prayer for you. You can just say "hi"

embrace the suck

2012-01-12T11:32:00.002-06:00

back yard path under ice I was visiting Haiti a few years back with some dear friends and one of our team members was a man who spent a tour with the military in Iraq. He shared a saying that has stuck with me to this day. He told us that when his friends were having a particularly bad day (almost every day), one of them would say, "Embrace the suck." We said that a lot while we were with him

hello winter

2012-01-11T15:57:00.004-06:00

a light dusting of snow on my garage roof Today was the first day in a very long time that actually felt like winter instead of spring. It's been a nice ride while it lasted. Yesterday it actually got to 52 degrees and it was sunny. I swear I thought it was April. Whatever winter brings from this point on, I feel that I can handle it. Before anyone knows what happened, it really will be April

to smooth the stone

2012-01-05T20:02:00.001-06:00

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time. Henry David Thoreau Today is day four of drinking more water for me. I half expected to feel better immediately, but I've actually been feeling kind of ill since I started. I suspect I'm flushing out some nasty toxins, and those things

the gentlest of changes

2012-01-02T12:48:00.001-06:00

Isn't this sheet of ice beautiful? It's right outside my back door. We had a very wet snow storm on New Year's Eve and this was the effect after the cold set in. It reminded me of how lovely water can be in it's various forms. It's a little miracle, really. After all of my crazy-eyed beasts settled down a bit and I was able to take a calmer look around, I noticed a particularly needy little

the trap of perfection

2011-12-29T12:17:00.000-06:00

One of the challenges I always face when I'm considering changes in my life is that I'm a terrible perfectionist. I have this picture of the life I want and the person I want to be and frankly the life I have is very different from that picture. I want to eat healthy and exercise regularly. I want to write in a much more disciplined way. I want to simplify my life and my home. I want to get

all is well

2011-12-28T15:10:00.001-06:00

I think maybe we moved significantly south and no one let me in on it. It's been warm and sunny for the last couple of weeks. I can't even describe how lovely that is. I can't tell you how content I feel. My body is relaxed and alert and open to the world. I'm grateful and reflective when I see the rays of sun slipping through the open blinds. All is well. This photo was taken about an hour

remembering christmas

2011-12-27T13:11:00.000-06:00

Well, the hand-off went really well. Actually, it would be more accurate to call it an apprenticeship. My parents spent the night at my house Christmas eve and we all got up early and started preparing the meal. Honestly, it's gonna be a while before I could pull something like this off on my own. But everything turned out wonderful and we all had a great day. I think from now on we'll be having

winter solstice

2011-12-21T16:01:00.001-06:00

Today is the darkest day of the year, but that's only if you're in the northern hemisphere. If you were to travel to the south pole you would enjoy 24 hours of sunlight today. I have to discipline myself to remember that. Place is everything. There is sunlight in other places in the world, and this means the world does not revolve around me. That's a good thing. Somewhere in the world right

cheating death

2011-12-20T12:35:00.001-06:00

Last night we had no hot water or heat. But it's a little more complicated than that. We're having some work done in our basement and the gas was turned off for a while yesterday. When they hooked it up again, no one realized that the pilots for the boilers were out. Gas was leaking into our home little by little for many hours. Providentially, in our efforts to "fix it" we turned the gas

on light

2011-12-15T15:19:00.001-06:00

sunlight through my little tree I think God must have read my blog yesterday because today the sun is making an appearance in the wide open sky. It's much colder and windier, but I don't care one bit. My heart has lightened about 300% in the course of only a few hours. I never realized before how vulnerable my mood is to the sunlight. I used to be puzzled when I would hear people yammer on

on darkness

2011-12-14T16:43:00.000-06:00

This photo was taken at 1:30 this afternoon. It's 4:30 now and nearly night. The last few days have been warm and dark. (Warm, for those of you who don't live in the tundra, is upper 30's.) I've been busy with Christmas preparations so that's a little distracting, but living in the dark creates a cumulative effect of heaviness in spirit. It's like a constant state of twilight and gloom. Our

family breakfast

2011-12-10T12:48:00.001-06:00

Every Saturday morning (as everyone's schedule allows) I cook my family breakfast. My parents, my sister, my niece, my kids, my grandkids and Amanda all come for a time to relax and connect. I make eggs, sausage, hash browns and carmel rolls. Here's a little peek into my favorite time of the week. These are the moments when my heart practically bursts open with joy. Pull up a chair and join us!

majestic

2011-12-09T10:40:00.001-06:00

This is an old coal chute outside our home. It's majestic, as you can plainly see. Our home has been around a long time and it's had to adjust its heating source three times over the years. First it was heated with coal, then oil, and now there are a couple of boilers to do the job. I like to think of my home's history and all of the people who have lived here over the many years. In

advent

2011-12-08T12:05:00.001-06:00

One of the things I grieve about wintertime is the color that seems to go out of the world. Everything turns from deep green and floral gems to cold whites and blues and lots of brown. Christmastime brings more green back for a bit. It's a short respite in the long wash out. I'm thinking more about the reality behind the buzzing and blinking and rushing that has always accompanied this

the hand-off

2011-12-07T19:09:00.001-06:00

I had the flu or something else equally horrible for the last several days. Today was the first day I was able to haul myself up and get out to run errands and get groceries. I also was able to decorate for Christmas. I'm not really one to go crazy with holiday glitz, but I did it up a little more than usual this year because we'll be having my family's Christmas celebration here for the first

silent night

2011-12-03T22:14:00.001-06:00

I have to admit: it's beautiful.

making me smile

2011-12-01T13:44:00.001-06:00

Today it's colder than it has been, but it's sunny so I won't complain. I finished a chunk of the book I'm writing and that felt delicious. Here's a few other things that are making me smile. hazy sun with a light dust of snow memory of life before the cold cutest little mush face ever he always looks sad but he's not

seeing

2011-11-30T12:42:00.001-06:00

I'm amazed at what I miss just because I become accustomed to things. It's kind of like when you post a note on your refrigerator to remind you of something. After a while you don't notice the note anymore or the thing it was supposed to remind you of. This bugs me to tell you the truth. So today I took a fresh look around my home. Just a few rooms. Just the ordinary things that have been there

the discipline of living

2011-11-28T11:56:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I forget that I exist. I spent the last several days in bed with a migraine. Everything becomes distant and muffled during these long days and nights. A wide expanse of mist develops between myself and the living, breathing people around me. After a stretch like that it's hard to climb back into the world of sight and sound and movement. It's hard to imagine that it means anything to

is he totally squeezable or is it just me?

2011-11-23T14:51:00.001-06:00

I don't know when this became a shameless gramma blog, but I just can't seem to help myself. On this day as I think about the things that fill me with gratitude, my grandkids are right at the top of the list. Last night Lincoln stayed overnight and we took him to see Dave play hockey today. Lincoln has loved hockey since before the time he could even say the word "hockey". So here's a yummy

dreaming of spring

2011-11-22T12:04:00.001-06:00

In case you were wondering, here is what my tree looks like today. Her brilliant, fiery leaves are gone, and if you didn't know any better, you'd think she was dead. But she's not dead. There is still life down deep in her roots and inside her frozen branches. She's bracing for the icy darkness and dreaming of spring. You can't see it from the first picture, but there's a squirrel

and so it begins

2011-11-21T19:38:00.001-06:00

Winter is a tough time in Minnesota. The first snow is lovely and it's nice to have a white Christmas, but pretty much everything after that is, let's say, less than ideal. I don't think this is what God had in mind when he created that garden. It's dark and cold and isolating in the Northern places of the world. We got our first snow this week on Saturday and it messed up some plans that we had.

God's fridge

2011-11-16T14:27:00.001-06:00

A friend commented on my post yesterday about how God sees us just as we are with all our smudges and blobs and is so delighted that he displays us on his fridge. I love that image. So here are the things that I'm proudly displaying today. They are treasures to me. I can't imagine anything more perfect. What do you suppose God sees in you that he's lovingly holding dear?

before we knew better

2011-11-15T11:40:00.001-06:00

Lincoln is a master artist. He's really, truly innovative and free. No one has told him about the rules yet. He doesn't know about what the world considers beautiful or ugly. He's not bothered when the paint spills off the page or when a color bleeds into another. He's just purely caught up in the wonder of his creations. Remember those days before we knew better? Maybe getting back to this

shadow places

2011-11-13T12:54:00.001-06:00

It's been a busy week. I spent a couple of days in Southern Minnesota with my husband's sister as she struggles with enormous burdens and fears. She is overwhelmed with questions that none of us want to face. When do I let go of the care of my dear one? When do I acknowledge my limits and release him into the care of others? What happened to the dreams I had of the way my life would be today

exactly where we left off

2011-11-06T10:48:00.002-06:00

photo by Lori Sabin Dave and I got together yesterday with some old friends that we haven't seen in many years. Nate (above, far right) was the best man in our wedding and we hung out with him and his family all day. Nate played in a local jazz club late last night and we sat with his wife, Lori (who I also adore) and listened to him open a window of sound so sad and joyful and passionate I

on growing old

2011-11-04T13:07:00.000-05:00

I have to have a mammogram today. Every time I hear that word I think of the old Saturday Night Live skit "Land Shark" which probably dates me even more than the fact that I'm having a mammogram. (If you get that reference, you're probably going to be relating to the rest of this post too.) I'm at that stage of life where it's hard to keep track of all the vitamins and drugs I take. I'm

hello sun

2011-11-03T13:35:00.001-05:00

One of the things that I really love about blogging as often as I have been is that it forces me to look around and ask myself the question, "What is here that's worth sharing?" I'm pretty sure I would have missed the merciful, shining sky today if I hadn't asked that question. Take a few moments and ask yourself that question today. Grab a camera if it helps you. Take a deep breath and pray

otherness

2011-11-02T13:50:00.000-05:00

Today, I begin the third week of the gospel immersion course I'm taking from Christianne. If you've never checked her out, I highly recommend that you do. She's a gentle, loving and inviting soul who I've come to adore over the years. I'm a little behind this week in the reading, but today I'm starting the book of Luke. We've been having conversations in our online classroom about the ways

little kid trances

2011-11-01T12:36:00.001-05:00

linc in his hockey get-up zach and sierra...most beautiful pirates ever wyatt with our friend alex...wy loves him I had the greatest moment last night. A little boy who must have been three years old walked up to me with his bag stretched out. He was staring at me with big wide eyes (I had some interesting makeup on) and he whispered, "I like your face." That's something that I

really bad ideas

2011-10-31T15:46:00.001-05:00

Today is Halloween, and I have to tell you, I've never much liked this holiday. Even as a kid (I'm an introvert) I would dread it, and as a mother I absolutely loathed it. Who thought this one up? I imagine the conversation being something like this: "Hey, I have an idea. How about if we send our kids out at night in costumes that obscure their vision and have them visit strangers houses asking

she's coming

2011-10-30T15:08:00.002-05:00

oct. 5 today She's coming. She's creeping in with her cold breath and dark moods. Autumn is holding on and gasping her last brilliant colors, but she knows she's going to lose soon. I'll miss her so terribly. It's easy to be melancholy when Winter peeks around the corner, heavy luggage in tow. Of course, she has her own beauty, white and stark, her blinding crystals gleaming off

something truer than pain

2011-10-29T15:15:00.003-05:00

So I guess I jinxed myself when I said I was feeling so good. I spent the whole day yesterday with a whopper of a migraine. But I'm better today, and I managed to be gentle with myself and not awfulize my life. I've noticed that I tend to forget all things beautiful when I'm sick. It feels as though my whole entire life is nothing but pain when I get my feet knocked out from under me that

contentment and acceptance

2011-10-27T13:12:00.000-05:00

This is me in a very content place. Something astounding is emerging for me as I've been feeling better and taking better care of myself. I hesitate to say it out loud. It's kind of scandalous, really. I like me. I don't know if you get how weird it is for me to say that. I have this idealized self that usually gets in the way of me liking the real me. The idealized me weighs about 30-40

all good things

2011-10-25T14:56:00.001-05:00

If you've followed this blog for any length of time you know that I struggle with some health issues and have occasional bouts of depression. The last two years have been a little taste of hell when it comes to those problems. Frankly, there have been moments when all I could do was wrestle with the demons in my head that were dangling ideas about suicide in front of me. But for the last couple

ok, i guess i lied...

2011-10-23T16:36:00.001-05:00

I said that Friday's post would be the last of my reflections on my time at Pacem, but I realized something today that I wanted to share. When I was at the hermitage, there were several squirrels that I came to consider my friends. I named one Francis (for St. Francis of Assisi) and I so much enjoyed watching them dig through the dry leaves for left over acorns. Well, today I was checking my

my joy

2011-10-22T14:55:00.002-05:00

bringing the hermitage home

2011-10-21T17:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a week since I headed out to Pacem in Terris, and I've been practicing bringing that way of being into my everydayness. I've been stopping to listen to the sounds of my home and my neighborhood. I've been noticing the way my mind flits around like a water bug until I bring my love and intention to it. I've been stopping more often to notice what is good and what is beautiful. I've been

mwen fatigue anpil

2011-10-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

That's Haitian Kreyol for "I'm very tired." And I am. But I'm also feeling very happy and grateful. I had a houseguest for the last 27 hours. Her name is Amanda, and she's a young woman who survived the earthquake in Port au Prince. my friend Jen with Amanda in Haiti last year Amanda has been traveling back and forth between Haiti and Minnesota for surgical procedures and physical therapy

children and saints

2011-10-18T13:50:00.001-05:00

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." ~Luke 18:16-17 The patron saint of the hermitage I stayed at this last weekend is St. Therese of Lisieux. She lost her mother when she was 4 years old, and when she was 15 she

the communion of silence

2011-10-17T14:34:00.001-05:00

I was taking a walk on Saturday afternoon when I came upon a woman walking with a cane. We caught each other's eyes and smiled a greeting to one another. As I was about to pass her, she pointed to deer tracks in the sand and we shared in that blessing together, imagining the deer quietly passing through the forest on this very path. No words were exchanged between us. One of the benefits of

the sound of silence

2011-10-16T12:53:00.002-05:00

I'm back from my silent retreat and I have a few reflections to share with you over the next few days, but for now I'll just share some photos. Enjoy! this was my hermitage the view from my rocking chair the view from my screen porch the cross at the edge of the prairie guest reception at the main house the chapel on the walking path wetland off the

pacem in terris

2011-10-13T13:45:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I'm heading off to Pacem in Terris for the weekend. For those of you who don't know about this, it's a little retreat center consisting of individual hermitages...very humble in nature: no electricity or running water. I truly love this place. I'm looking forward to the quiet reflection time unplugged from distractions. This obviously means that I won't be posting anything for the next

rain

2011-10-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

For the last week or more we've had unseasonably warm weather with lots of sun. Today it's cooler and very dark and rainy. We even had a little hail. I love the sound of rain. It doesn't seem to matter if it's a gentle rain or a house-rattling storm - the sound energizes and calms me at the same time. Earlier this summer we had lots and lots of rain and I started to resent it, forgot how

doors

2011-10-10T18:43:00.001-05:00

I have a little room at the foot of my basement stairs that has only been opened once before today. It doesn't have a doorknob and you have to remove the railing on the staircase to get to it. We didn't open it until a couple of months after we moved in and I remember a sense of excitement when we finally peered inside. What would we find? When we jimmied the door open it turned out that it

on being human

2011-10-09T20:39:00.002-05:00

Whew! Glad that's out of the way! It didn't take me long to "fail" at my every day blogging commitment. You might imagine that I feel badly about that, but I honestly feel really good. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl, and it's a good discipline for me to recognize my limits without giving up. So I'm still here and still excited about what blogging does for me. In fact, I think it

meh

2011-10-07T19:01:00.002-05:00

I've been down with a migraine today, and it's just now occurring to me how unrealistic an every day blogging commitment might be. How about if I just do my best. Deal?

something i'm looking forward to...

2011-10-06T13:36:00.002-05:00

You may notice that I've added a badge to the right called "Look at Jesus: A Gospel Immersion Course". I'm so excited about this. It's an online course lead by my dear friend Christianne Squires. She has such a gentle spirit and I'm so looking forward to walking through the gospels with her. She's offering a pretty great discount for this course so if you want to join in, just click on the links

clearing space

2011-10-05T15:45:00.003-05:00

Today the weather is warm and dry and the leaves are brilliant as they signal the coming of winter. They remind me to use my time wisely and notice what is beautiful while it is here, in this moment. I'm grateful to the leaves today. Dave and I are busy today clearing clutter and getting ready for the long winter ahead. I'm focusing on preparing a welcoming environment for writing and praying.

Kòt a Kòt: the big reveal

2011-10-04T17:43:00.005-05:00

For those of you who have grown kids, you probably know about the phenomenon I'm going to tell you about. You're raising your babies, enjoying each developmental stage, happy to be their parents, and suddenly you realize very late in the game that they're not kids anymore. It's a shocking realization, and sometimes it means that you haven't really prepared yourself for what that means. Well, we

Kòt a Kòt

2011-10-03T20:39:00.002-05:00

Kòt a Kòt is a Kreyol phrase that means "side by side". What do you think of when you hear the phrase "side by side"? It's going to be a big phrase in my life very soon. I wonder if you can guess how? I've got some things brewing in my mind about these few words and I'll share more about that tomorrow. For now I just wanted to thank you for walking with me kòt a kòt these last several years. This

spirit lake

2011-10-02T11:56:00.003-05:00

I've spent this weekend on the shores of Spirit Lake just across the border of Minnesota into Iowa. It's an enormous lake and it's usually very windy. The sound of the waves remind me of the ocean when it's wild and thrashing. I love this place. The cabin here belongs to our dear friends and they generously share it with us whenever we need to get away for a bit. It's been good to begin again

falling awake

2011-10-01T11:36:00.003-05:00

Here's what I love about writing:I love that it forces me to go inside and stretch and ask good questions. I love that it forces my eyes and my heart to open wide. I love how tapping these keys or touching pen to paper reveals a voice and a mind. I love that suddenly I remember what matters to me and it gives me strength to take wobbly steps in that direction. I love that I find God fully alive,

beginning again

2011-09-30T12:59:00.005-05:00

It's been nearly a year since I posted here. I won't say much about what's been going on in that year (at least not in this post) but I will say that it's been a struggle. I'm grateful today that it's possible to begin again any time I choose. So today, I begin again. Let me explain.I've been reading a lot about simplicity and living in the moment and showing up for your life and things like that

deep breath

2010-10-13T09:46:00.003-05:00

me and my mom bikingAutumn in Minnesota is my favorite time of year. The weather cools, the air becomes crisp and clean and the colors blaze a path straight to my heart. I've been away for the last several days with my husband and mom and dad. We've been biking along rivers and through sheltered wooded areas that remind me of cathedrals. It's easy to worship here.And yet, I've been sad, always

becoming

2010-09-29T23:52:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the kind of person I'm becoming.I want to be kind and gentle and forgiving. I want to be thoughtful. I want to live simply. I want to have integrity. I want to be available and open. I want to be wise. I want to care for my body and soul so that I am well. More than anything, I want to love freely.And I want all of these things to come easily. But they don't.It's occurred

for a while in haiti

2010-08-16T17:11:00.000-05:00

for a whileit was just too terribleto live inside the sharp edgesof my skinso i went away-for a while i was the swellingin the gecko's neck-for a while i was the blurof hummingbird wings-for a while i was waxy palm leavesand ripe fruit-for a whilei sunk into the soundsthat made no sense-the singing and wailing and screaming-the rooster calland barking dogsand the blare of radio distortion-for a

bel ti zwazo de (beautiful little bird two)

2010-08-12T10:33:00.006-05:00

photos by marcia ericksoni've never seen a hummingbird sit still as long as my little friend has been lately. maybe jesus is trying to tell me something.

new words i'm learning

2010-08-11T18:17:00.001-05:00

move rev: nightmarepe: afraidkraze: break/smashsoufri: sufferdoute: doubtkwe: believe

bel ti zwazo (beautiful little bird)

2010-08-06T09:09:00.001-05:00

when i sit out on the balcony of providence house, there's a little hummingbird that comes to refresh herself in the fruit tree in the yard. the tree is lush and green and full of life. geckos hang out there and puff out their necks as they dance their funny gecko dance. there are huge flying insects with plump black bodies and bright orange wings that float among the branches. years ago, you

the importance of belonging

2010-08-02T15:43:00.004-05:00

it's hard for me to find words to describe what i do when i'm in haiti. the truth is, it's easier to navigate the language barrier from english to kreyol than it is to navigate the cultural differences and the problem of communicating my experience here back to the people i've left behind.when i first got here i was surprised by the difficulty i had getting comfortable. i've been to haiti over a

mwen gen pwoblem (i have a problem)

2010-07-30T08:43:00.001-05:00

Just quickly wanted to let you all know that the internet is something of a beast here at Providence House. I had to turn off the ability to view images on my web browser. This means that if you post pics on your blog or facebook, I can't see them. And if you have a word verification feature on your blog, I can't leave a comment. (I tried the option of listening for the word, but I think they

lapli (rain)

2010-07-29T16:41:00.001-05:00

It's late in the day, and the clouds are beginning to roll in the distance. The thunder is a rumble beneath the smothering heat. I'm torn because I know a storm will cool the air around me for a short time, but that's not all it will do. There are the tents. Miles and miles of blue tarp that can provide a little shelter from the sun, but not the rain. I can't stand to think of it.I'd take the

mwen la

2010-07-28T21:26:00.001-05:00

I'm here.I'm seeing things and feeling things and smelling things and hearing things that my brain cannot really take in quite yet. It's like a flood pushing through a straw. I'm trying to stay open and absorb it, but my body is smarter than me and it's only giving me a teaspoon at a time.I'll have more to say as it all unfolds and becomes more understandable to me. But for now it's enough that

off to haiti soon

2010-07-01T10:17:00.003-05:00

I've been really busy lately, so I've been unable to keep up with my online life. I won't go into everything that I've been doing, but I will share one thing that has been getting more and more of my attention theses days.In a little over three weeks, I'll be leaving for Haiti. I'll be there for six weeks.Yes, six weeks.Although I've been to Haiti more than a dozen times over the years, I've

NDY Rocks

2010-06-15T19:56:00.003-05:00

So, for any of you who don't know it already, my husband is a rock star. It's true. He's the lead singer for the band NDY (Not Dead Yet). They're playing a benefit concert for Providence Ministries this Friday at the Dugout in Mahtomedi at 8:30. If you're in the Twin Cities, stop on over. Here's the promo poster for the event. (Dave's the knockout on the right holding the sax.) After all these

how rude am i?

2010-06-09T10:46:00.002-05:00

I just realized that I kind of left you all hanging about the results of the chest CT. No worries: everything is dandy. The lesions on my lung are unchanged so they're confident that they're only scar tissue from an old infection. You can consider this a post-script on the scoop. :)

gift from a friend from the sea

2010-06-08T15:33:00.003-05:00

i have such lovely friends.thank you di.

the scoop, part nine

2010-05-26T21:58:00.002-05:00

"I want singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out all my obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact -- to borrow from the language of the saints -- to live 'in grace' as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense: by grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which

my prayer today (a short break from the never-ending-scoop)

2010-05-19T10:50:00.009-05:00

Philippians 4:10-14 (The Message)I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with

the scoop, part eight

2010-05-13T12:46:00.004-05:00

"Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you...Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition." -Florida Scott-MaxwellTrue that.I stumbled on this quote in a book called The Way of Transition. When I quit my job, my therapist suggested that this book might be important for me. It's about those times in life when changes cut you loose from the dock and you find yourself

the scoop, part seven

2010-05-05T17:56:00.005-05:00

Thanks for hanging with me you guys. I didn't realize when I started this that it would take this many installments to unpack everything. My goal is to finish by the time we reach part ten, but we'll have to see.*Before I launch into this part of my story, there's something I should mention. For those of you who don't know about it, I've been working with an organization called Providence

the scoop, part six

2010-04-29T19:25:00.002-05:00

Where was I? Oh yeah, simplicity. Hah!When I realized that my life was SO FAR from the ideal of simplicity everything came grinding to a halt. I kept trying to write because I had this deadline looming, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. (Disappointing people is the worst thing you can do and you'll probably go to hell for it for crying out loud!) I kept on pushing and pushing even when my

the scoop, part five

2010-04-21T20:59:00.003-05:00

Sorry about that time lapse. I kind of forgot about me for a minute there.Let's continue.For the last eight years, my work has mostly revolved around counseling as well as training and mentoring volunteer counselors at my church. It's work that I have sincerely loved for the most part, but I noticed over time that I seemed less able to do it. I was tired. I was easily hurt and discouraged. I felt

the scoop, part four

2010-04-12T14:22:00.002-05:00

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that distancing myself from blogging distanced me from my flesh-and-blood relationships and even from myself. When I first began blogging, the people around me commented how changed I was...so much more alive and engaged. It's almost like the process of intentionally listening for my own experience was creating me somehow. When I stopped blogging

the scoop, part three

2010-04-09T16:58:00.002-05:00

At about the time that I was beginning to sink into the molasses of my funk, I decided to deliberately withdraw from an online presence. I can't really go into all the reasons for that, but at the time I was thinking of it as a spiritual discipline, sort of like electronic solitude. To this day, I have no idea if I really benefited from this decision. I am a terrible introvert, and it's hard for

the scoop, part two

2010-04-05T13:28:00.002-05:00

It's funny to me how we arbitrarily decide where a story begins. This story starts a year ago pretty much because I said so, and because it's just too much to start way back where it really started. I've got enough to tell you as it is.About a year ago, I began to notice persistent feelings of heaviness that I couldn't really account for by examining my circumstances. I was slightly depressed and

the scoop, part one

2010-04-03T15:27:00.005-05:00

I'm not terribly certain how I came to be where I am today. The last year is something of a blur. I thought that maybe if I just began writing, the story might start to take some shape and become a bit clearer to me. So here I am writing.A year ago I was a pastor and a counselor. I had a secure home. I had a fairly settled sense of where the future was taking me.None of that is true for me

good friday

2010-04-02T12:19:00.003-05:00

In honor of Easter weekend, I thought I would post a meditation I wrote last year about the Garden of Gethsemane from the viewpoint of Peter. It's meant to be entered into imaginatively with all of your senses.~~~